For those of you who may find yourself waylaid, delayed, or otherwise put out to pasture this holiday travel season, keep these tasty morsels of information in mind. First, if you happen to miss your connecting flight due to the error, idiocy, or general arbitrariness of the airline companies, see if you can strike sympathy in the heart of your new ticketing agent to get upgraded to first class. It really is better in the front of the boat. When I got delayed five hours on Thanksgiving Day, my upgrade to first class got me a three-course meal, a glass of wine that the flight attendant constantly tried to refill (from a real, honest-to-goodness bottle), and my own personal DVD player. I didn’t actually want to get off the plane when I finally reached Seattle!
Second, if your baggage should happen to get lost somewhere in America, be sure to call it in to the airline you last flew on, report it missing, and ask what the airline’s policies are on reimbursing you for clothes bought while your luggage was running amok. Usually, it’s a pretty small amount ($25 or $50 per day), but still, there was something awfully satisfying about making the airline who lost my luggage reimburse me for some panties I bought from a sex shop (Toys in Babeland, of course) to hold me over until I could get my bag, and hence access to my more boring panties. I hope that receipt made them smile as much as it did me.
And lastly, try to remember that while the holidays may seem like a more stressful time to travel, they’re just one day out of a lifetime. In the grand scheme of things, a few extra hours in an airport or a couple of days without any panties aren’t any big deal. It’s those kind of events that leave the door open for first-class, sex-shop-panty-buying fun!
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