Brr...it is motherfuckinggoshdarnnutbusting freezing here today! Why is it again that I live in a place that has actual winter? Oh right, it's because someone once told me that I looked hot in a turtleneck. Screw the turtleneck, I look good naked, too, and could just as easily go to work naked if I lived someplace temperate, like Arizona, Florida, or Argentina. Okay, fine, I'm a lawyer, I should dress up a little bit. I'll wear a tie.
I'm getting a little fed up with the bureaucracy of my job...although I'm given a great deal of responsibility, I also have to write a memo for my superiors on just about everything. Sometimes, when I go to the bathroom, I wonder if I should have sent up a memo on that, too, explaining the various pros and cons behind squatting or sitting, using a toilet seat cover or not. Hmm...maybe next time I send a memo up, it'll be on that subject. I wonder if anyone will notice.
I think it's time to think about other employment. Perhaps I'll take my hands on a freak show tour of the United States. After measuring my paws against a 6'5'' guy's hands and realizing that my fingers were only about a quarter-inch shorter than his, I've decided that I'm a certified freak of mammalian nature (since I only stand a mere 5'11'' 1/2 at last measurement). Although, I'm not sure that the profit from selling tickets for freakishly large hands will quite cover my gym membership, let alone my rent, so perhaps I should just seek a job in which I could use my hands. Hmm...massage school, perhaps? Those guys make like $1 per minute, which is definitely more than my brain makes per minute in my current job. Alas, my brain is the inferior breadwinner!
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